


'Fireflies'

by kaqeritsu_s



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji has Insomnia, Akaashi Keiji-centric, Based on an Owl City Song, Deceased Bokuto Koutarou, Gen, Gore, Horror, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Illusions, Insomnia, Mentioned Bokuto Koutarou, Past Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Past Relationship(s), Suicidal actions, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, alternate universe - apocalyptic world, mass suicides, various mentions of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaqeritsu_s/pseuds/kaqeritsu_s
Summary: When the sunlight stopped reaching the earth, many people spiralled into a pit of depression, which resulted in millions of suicides, despite the media telling everyone to stand strong.At first there was mass panic, then mass sadness and grief. People lost the ones they loved before they took their own lives, or went out of town to search for a place with sunlight.While the sunlight was gone, everyone resorted to wind and water energy, but they all knew that if they didn't quickly find a way to get the sunlight back, the plants would die and they would lose oxygen.Here you see what the entire situation did to Akaashi Keiji.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	'Fireflies'

**Author's Note:**

> AIGHT, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THINGS LIKE SUICIDE, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS.
> 
> I legit got the idea for this story because I was listening to Fireflies by Owl City while walking to school, lol why's my mind so dark-  
> ok but please think of Keiji's subconscious self as a second Keiji, but with less colors and transparent

_\- "You would not believe your eyes_

_\- If ten million fireflies_

_\- Lit up the world as I fell asleep_

_\- Cause they fill the open air_

_\- And leave teardrops everywhere_

_\- You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare"_

* * *

When it all happened, the sun's light disappearing and everyone panicking about it, Akaashi Keiji and Bokuto Koutarou were still a happy couple of volleyball players for their school's team. But as time went on without the sun's light, Koutarou, who was already a quite sensitive and emotional person, started to quickly spiral into more and more sad moods, some days not even attending volleyball practice with his best friends and boyfriend. Keiji made sure to visit Koutarou as much as he could, while also taking care of his family. It wasn't like Keiji wasn't affected by the lack of sunlight, no, he was visibly affected; he was slouching more often, had less patience, often forgot about things, and lost track of time way quicker than he usually did.

After quite a few weeks, Keiji stopped seeing Koutarou, he didn't even hear from him at all, which concerned him greatly. One day, after having called his owl-like boyfriend over five times in a row with no response, Keiji decided to go outside and walk to his boyfriend's house, which he already knew he should have done way earlier. While making the trip to the other male's house, he got a bad feeling, and deep inside he just knew he would regret going to the familiar house, it was as if his subconscious self was telling him to turn around, to just face the truth without actually looking at it. Though Keiji didn't turn around, he kept on walking, ignoring the 'pleas' of his subconscious self. He arrived at the house not too much time later, the term 'time' was actually pretty funny now, since time seemed to have stopped when the entire world lost the sun's light, but not its warmth. Keiji knocked on the front door, his subconscious self still telling him to turn away, to leave, to stop hoping, but Keiji didn't listen. After a while of not getting any response from inside the house, Keiji decided to check whether the door was locked or not, and, to his subconscious self's misfortune, found it to be unlocked. At this point his subconscious self was basically pulling his hair out in frustration. Keiji just wouldn't listen and walked into the house after opening the door. While setting foot into the house, Keiji's expression was blank, but with a slight hint of regret. He walked into the living room, and while he remembered the living room to always be lit up and lively, the room was now dark and devoid of any sound, which Keiji knew was a bad sign, yet he turned away from the living room and walked to where Koutarou's room was instead, even in the dark he knew how to get there, which just proved how many times he had visited the house. His subconscious self was telling, no, yelling at him not to enter the room once he arrived; it had been way too quiet in the house and that was never a good sign. Keiji, although a bit reluctantly, opened the door to his boyfriend's bedroom, his subconscious self lividly telling him to 'get away from there and do not return.' But Keiji had already looked into the dark room, he had already seen his boyfriend's corpse, though he couldn't make out how exactly he had died, but he didn't really want to know. He felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, gathering quickly and threatening to fall, as he walked to his boyfriend's lifeless body and stood next to it. For a bit, he just stared at it, taking it in while tears dropped onto the desk the body was slumped over. It didn't look like Koutarou had died while suffering, which was a light relief to Keiji.

The raven-haired male had noticed the signs, he had tried to make it all more bearable for his boyfriend, but it was inevitable. Keiji didn't blame himself for Koutarou's death, he knew it wasn't his fault that the sunlight disappeared and left everyone to spiral into depression. Keiji got the blanket from his boyfriend's bed and draped it over him, whispering a soft 'rest well, Koutarou' through his tears. While Keiji did care for the rest of Koutarou's family, he didn't dare go to see them, or rather, their corpses. Instead, he just stood in front of their bedroom doors and said 'rest well' to each and every one of them, despite not being able to see them. After that he just went home, tears still streaming down his face as his subconscious self was practically chanting 'I told you so, I told you so!' When Keiji got home he greeted his family, who looked at him apologetically. He had told them where he would be heading off to right before he went out, so they could guess what had happened.

* * *

_\- "I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly_

_\- It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_

_\- 'Cause everything is never as it seems_

_\- 'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs_

_\- From ten thousand lightning bugs_

_\- As they tried to teach me how to dance_

_\- A foxtrot above my head  
_

_\- A sock hop beneath my bed_

_\- A disco ball is just hanging by a thread (thread, thread)"_

* * *

Keiji, after finding out about his boyfriend's death, kept convincing himself that it all wasn't that bad, that, if he just didn't think about it and went on with his life, it would all just get better. His subconscious self kept on telling him that 'no, it doesn't get better that way' and that he had to just 'face it already!' But Keiji didn't do that, he just kept on fooling himself, kept lying to himself just to avoid having to face the same fate as his boyfriend had. While the media had long since stopped with trying to prevent people from taking their own lives, they had all just resorted to telling people to rest well when the time came. But Keiji didn't rest, not at all; he had been up most of the days and nights that came after the one where he had discovered his boyfriend's corpse. Keiji was losing sleep, a lot of it, but he kept himself busy by finding new places in the dark each day or night, he had lost track of time and was pretty sure it didn't really matter anymore, to dance at. He was just trying to make himself forget about it all, just trying to stay awake and live on for the sake of his late boyfriend. His subconscious self wasn't pleased with what he did, he was exhausting their body, and it wasn't getting any better; he was completely disregarding the existence of his subconscious self.

Keiji literally danced his feelings and emotions away, pushing himself to the limits for the sake of staying awake and alive for as long as he could with the random movements. At one point, somewhere in time, the raven haired male found a place where he saw little lights, at first he was confused and shocked, who would have expected to see any natural light after the sun's light disappeared, after all? While taking a closer look, Keiji found out that the little lights were none other than fireflies who went to venture out when the sun's light had disappeared.

At one point in life, for Keiji, the world seemed to brighten up, despite there still not being any natural sunlight. Keiji started to see more positive things around, he even found an abandoned street with clubs and places alike, where he often found himself returning to. He figured it was because clubs naturally radiated a sphere in which people just wanted to dance, and that ended up being very fortunate for Keiji. He danced and danced until he collapsed and fell asleep from the exhaustion. Whenever Keiji fell asleep his subconscious self would look down at their body, which was not looking healthy or good in the slightest. Keiji and his subconscious self both noticed their surroundings, both noticed the odd amount of disco balls hanging by threads, but only Keiji's subconscious self accepted the truths, dared to see the truths, the horrifying and traumatizing truths, that came with their surroundings. Keiji ignored the truths, chose not to see them, but could hardly ignore the truths when they were constantly on display whenever he fell asleep. Every time Keiji lost consciousness his subconscious self would have quicker access to him and his thoughts, his subconscious self would be quicker to try and make him accept and see the truths all around them, which was exactly the reason for why Keiji did not dare go to sleep or take a quick nap. Keiji feared the things his subconscious self would try to make him see, Keiji feared that it would all make him end up exactly like his late boyfriend. He absolutely hated thinking back to the one time where he could have actually listened to his subconscious self, he hated to think that he did this all to himself; the exhaustion, the fatigue that came with it, the pain and the fake content moods he put up whenever he was with his family. His family didn't truly believe that he was content with the situation, they didn't believe that he was over his boyfriend's death.

Keiji's subconscious self was looking at the disco balls, his face contorting into one of discomfort and grief, he didn't like the sight but knew that the conscious Keiji needed to see and accept it all, though he couldn't figure out how to make him realize that it would be the best course of action for them both.

* * *

_\- "I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly_ _  
_

_\- It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_

_\- 'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)_

_\- Leave my door open just a crack_

_\- (Please take me away from here)_

_\- 'Cause I feel like such an insomniac_

_\- (Please take me away from here)_

_\- Why do I tire of counting sheep_

_\- (Please take me away from here)_

_\- When I'm far too tired to fall asleep"_

* * *

It had been quite a while since Keiji found Koutaro's corpse, though he didn't exactly know how long since there still was no natural light aside from the occasional fireflies, and looking at clocks was out of the picture as well since looking at them only made him realize how terribly depressing the days and nights truly were. One time, Keiji's mother asked him why he was looking so, so, _so_ incredibly exhausted, yet never took the time to rest even a little bit. Keiji's face, if even possible, paled a bit more at the question. He didn't want to worry his mother, didn't want to cause a ruckus within their household. He ended up telling her that he did rest, but at the places where he ventured off to some times, and that the exhaustion in his body was just because of the serious lack of sunlight. His subconscious self, if he could, would have most likely hit him over the head by now, and their mom did not seem to completely buy the excuse, but she didn't probe any further, just muttered an 'alright then' before walking off to another room in their house. Keiji's subconscious self was practically yelling at him once again, not pleased with the fake answer he had given their mother. 

Keiji felt tired, filthy, gross, and most of all, ignorant. His subconscious self's 'voice' was constantly drumming in his ears, his subconscious self seemed to take no pauses when it came to scolding him and trying to make him see the truth that was right in front of him. After a while of the consistent lectures and attempts at convincing him, Keiji completely shut him out by taking a good, cold shower. He scrubbed himself clean until he didn't feel disgusting anymore, then proceeded to just stand under the cold water, eyes closed and blocking out his subconscious self. He was exhausted, yet didn't feel the need to go to sleep, it could have been because the cold water was still making contact with his skin, but he could still quietly hear his subconscious self telling him that it was because he was being stupid and ignorant. 

When Keiji finally got out of the shower and dried off, he noticed just how absolutely _wrecked_ he looked. The bags under his eyes were extremely visible, and not just due to the lack of sunlight. His eyes had never been very wide, but they were even less wide now, barely staying open. Keiji understood why his mother was concerned about him, he understood that the entire situation was dragging them all down, but he still refused to go to sleep. He did not want to accept the truth, even if it was right in front of him. His subconscious self was still telling him to stop ignoring everything, to finally do something like take a rest or sit down for a while, but Keiji didn't hear him properly anymore; he was blocking his subconscious self's voice out as much as he could, and for someone with a serious lack of sleep, he was quite good at it. His subconscious self was, however, not giving up on his attempts to make Keiji realize that he needed to accept it all, that he couldn't keep turning away from the truth forever. If the sunlight didn't come back soon they would all end up dead, and there was no escaping from the inevitable end they would all be facing.

At one point, Keiji's mom asked him to just sleep at home for once, to reassure her and the rest of the family in their house. Keiji knew he couldn't just deny his mother's request; it would make the truth way too obvious, so, Keiji complied and told his mother he'd be resting in the house that day. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Keiji could hear his subconscious self practically cheering him on, and for some reason that brought a small smile to the raven haired's face. The smile was small, but genuine, and Keiji was pretty sure that if Koutaro was watching over him, he'd be cheering him on.

That night, or well.. what they assumed to be the night, Keiji laid in his bed with open eyes. He knew he was supposed to fall asleep like he usually always could, but he felt too tired to even attempt going to sleep. He could barely move, his body finally relaxing and his muscles finally getting a rest. He wasn't dancing, talking, or doing anything that would have normally tired him out, but he felt incredibly exhausted, yet he could not fall asleep. He could close his eyes, take a couple of deep breaths and relax, but he could not fall asleep. His subconscious self was glad he was finally resting their body, but was quite confused as to why the conscious Keiji could not fall asleep. Keiji, somewhere in the back of his mind, had an idea that could maybe make him fall asleep, but he knew very well that if the idea just failed he would be left crying and devastated, maybe even broken down. Keiji's subconscious self obviously knew about the idea as well, and after considering it for a bit, told Keiji he should try it. So, Keiji, for once, complied with his subconscious self's commands. He reminded himself of all the times where either he or Koutaro stayed over at the other's house and fell asleep together, usually cuddled up since both of them were quite affectionate with both actions and words. The memories were bittersweet, they made Keiji feel quite nostalgic, who knew how much time had passed since he had last really touched his boyfriend when he was still alive. He strained his arms and clumped up some of his covers, holding them close while silently relishing in the sweet, sweet memories of him and his late boyfriend. Keiji was smiling a little while tears pricked at his eyes, the memories both comforting and hurting him a little, though while the memories were vivid and made Keiji emotional, they did somehow allow Keiji to finally take a rest.

* * *

_-"To ten million fireflies_

_-I'm weird cause I hate goodbyes_

_-I got misty eyes as they said farewell (said farewell)_

_\- ..._

_-But I'll know where several are_

_-If my dreams get real bizarre_

_-'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (jar, jar)_

_\- ..._

_-I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly_

_-It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_

_-'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)_

_-..._

_-I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly_

_-It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep_

_-'Cause everything is never as it seems (when I fall asleep)_

* * *

The entire situation, all of it, had drastic effects on Akaashi Keiji. He lost sleep, got himself tangled up in several unhealthy coping mechanisms, stopped listening to his subconscious self, moved himself through the exhaustion, completely disregarded the fact that he had to rest his body, somehow got himself to start believing the things he saw were real, even if they were all creations from his mind, in conclusion, Keiji broke.

When Keiji had finally fallen asleep it wasn't extremely hard for his subconscious self to take control of their body. Keiji could never keep on living like this, and his subconscious self couldn't either. The solution was easy, or rather easy to think of, and it took some guts, but Keiji's subconscious self had enough guts for the both of them. It took a while to get their body to where they had been long ago, but they got there, though Keiji didn't even notice that his body had been moved by his subconscious self while he was asleep.

On the walk to their destination, several threads from the disco balls were scattered across the ground, and, because it would both help the world and themselves a little, Keiji's subconscious self had their body pick up a thread and carry it with them. Eventually, they arrived. Keiji's subconscious self had their body open the door to the house they had been in quite a while ago.

It didn't take much to walk through the hallway, up the stairs, or to open up the door Keiji should have never opened in the first place.  
It did take much to glance over at the slowly rotting away corpse of Keiji's late boyfriend, because even if it wasn't even really Keiji's subconscious self's boyfriend, he cared a lot for the one who was able to cheer up Keiji, and seeing the decaying body hurt.

But Keiji's subconscious self willed a smile onto the face of their body; it wouldn't hurt much longer.

So, finally, Keiji's subconscious self walked over to the decaying body, and before doing anything else, he put a hand on Koutaro's decaying back, muttering sweet nothings.  
After that, he strung up the thread for the disco ball, and proceeded to hang it.

Now, Keiji didn't have to worry about the truths anymore, he and his subconscious self were finally free.

**_Free like the fireflies that were flooding the world, gladly floating in the air._ **

**Author's Note:**

> yea okay so I just did that  
> uh  
> sorry ig hha  
> BUT PLEASE, NEVER TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE  
> I know it's been said so many times before but please, please don't


End file.
